Poppy’s Birth Story Part 2 – Caesarean Section

Hello! So today we get to the most exciting part of the Birth Story – the birth itself. In part 1 I explain the process of my failed induction which led to me opting for a Caesarean section. If you haven’t read part 1 already, you can find it here.

Friday 2nd November

I woke up really early, bubbling with excitement and nerves today, knowing that today was the day I would meet my baby girl! It was an extremely surreal feeling, I still sort of felt like I was in a dream at this point!

I was nil by mouth since midnight the night before, so I was pretty hungry and thirsty but I think the excitement was seeing me through the hunger. I knew I wasn’t going to be off really early for the section because I was having to be fitted in after the planned sections and any emergency sections, and Robert had been told to arrive for 10am. They were also short of beds in the post labour ward so I had to wait until people were discharged before they could confirm I would definitely have the procedure today!

By about 8.30 I was up, showered, dressed and had my bags packed ready to go. I must have been getting bored as I was even stalking my husband from the windows as he walked along to the hospital. I sent him a creepy “I can see you” text message haha! The tiny little figure you can see here is my husband, zoomed in from the 6th floor of the hospital!

I actually can barely remember the few hours between 10am when Robert arrived and when they finally came to get me. I think the excitement of the rest of the day must have blanked that part out for me, but I do remember that my tummy was doing flip flops every time I thought about meeting my girl, and also with nerves for the procedure itself.

I expected to be waiting until late afternoon but around 1pm they came to get me and took me down to the recovery suite. My stomach was absolutely churning at this point, I suddenly felt really scared of having the section, particularly when the anaesthetist started going through the risks and stats! They obviously have to tell you all this for legal reasons, and the odds of anything going wrong is really small, but it’s a bit scary nonetheless!

I was surprised how quickly it all happened once I was down there, I expected more waiting around but it was basically just drop the bags and go! When we got to the delivery room, I was taken inside while Robert was asked to scrub up and wait outside while they got me prepped and ready to go.

This part, the spinal, was the bit I was most nervous for and the nurse assisting the anaesthetist could tell, so she allowed Robert to come in and hold my hand. My memory of this part is slightly fuzzy but I think I’ve got most of the details correct!

First they put the cannula needle into my hand. I then had a small injection in my back, to numb the area where they would insert the spinal. When it came to the spinal it’s really important that you sit very still leaning forward to ensure they put it in just the right spot, so I was really scared that if it was painful I would jump! But I managed to stay still and it actually wasn’t bad at all. It really just feels like some light pressure low down on your back, and almost a bit tickly. Nothing like what I expected.

The bit that comes after the spinal is the weirdest thing, as your entire body becomes kind of warm but numb. The sensation is probably the weirdest thing I’ve ever felt. When the spinal is in they move you quickly into the laying down position while you still have a little bit of control of yourself. And then you just become like a dead weight. They ask you to lift your leg and wiggle your toes, and you’re doing it but nothing is happening, it’s so bizarre.

They warn you before hand that after the spinal your blood pressure might drop (or rise, I can never which is the right way round) and this can make you feel sick, and they would give you something through the cannula to combat this.

But when it actually happened to me I got myself into a bit of a panic. The room was spinning, I felt sick and my mouth was dry, and I remember saying “Stop, I can’t do this, make it stop!”. This was the only negative part of the whole procedure, and I remember feeling pretty panicked because I felt so unwell, but had zero control over my body. I thought this feeling was going to last for the entire procedure and I just wanted to stop everything, but also knew that wasn’t possible.

The anaesthetist was amazing though and she kept me calm, and within a couple of minutes they had given me something (no idea what) to help with the sickness feeling. I soon felt calm and relaxed, with Robert holding my hand, and they started on the pre procedure checks.

These checks are basically to make sure that the spinal has fully worked. Apparently the nerves that pick up the feeling of your skin being cold are the same nerves that make your skin and muscles feel pain (or something like that haha) so to check you’re fully numb from the breast down, they spray you with a really cold spray all the way up your body. You don’t feel it at all until it gets to your chest. They did this what felt like about 10 times, obviously to be fully sure that you’re ready to start.

After this, it all becomes a bit of a blur. I don’t remember what we spoke about or what I was thinking in those next few minutes, but I know I was fairly calm and relaxed, and then all of a sudden it was time to meet my daughter.

My eyes are filling up as I write this, I genuinely still can’t believe I have a baby. I feel like I don’t even have the words to convey all the emotions and the intensity of the love I felt.

After 4 years of waiting for her, in that moment all the sadness, tears, hopelessness, appointments, injections, medications, scans and side effects were suddenly a distant memory. Everything we had been through until this point was so so worth it because it brought me this darling girl.

I remember seeing the first little glimpse of her, the tiny little person that I had imagined inside me was here in front of my eyes, crying and healthy. I remember asking “Is she definitely a girl?” as they raised her over the curtain.

I immediately started crying as they put her onto my chest. She was so tiny and beautiful and warm (although I’m sure she was raging and cold after being disturbed) and I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She was everything I have ever dreamed of and here I was, holding my own baby girl.

I was finally a mummy.

I remember trying to take in all her details – her little squishy nose, her curled up little fingers and her beautiful little toes. She was so purple and squished up and my heart melted as I snuggled my face in to her soft little body. I can’t imagine any moment in life will ever beat that one. I’ve never felt any stronger emotion in my life, than the rush of love I felt right then.

Some people say they don’t feel that instant rush of love and I had been worried that I wouldn’t feel it but I needn’t have worried. Having her in my arms just felt so natural, so right, so perfect.

They soon took her away from me to get her wrapped up with something warm, get a wee hat on her and obviously do all the health checks and weigh her etc. The midwife was amazing and took my phone and took loads of pictures of this bit, because obviously I was stuck on the operating table with limited vision of everything that was happening. I was desperate to know her weight as she seemed so tiny, even though at one point in pregnancy they had predicted a big baby! She was just a dinky 7lbs 1oz, the perfect tiny little bub.

Soon Poppy was handed back to Robert and he held her close to me while they finished up on the table. He was overcome with emotion as well and he couldn’t stop smiling. There was so much love in that room.

The next part of the procedure seemed to take forever. She was delivered at 14.26 but we didn’t leave the room until over an hour later. It doesn’t usually take that long, but I had a cyst on my ovary and they wanted to consult with another doctor (possibly the one I had seen previously about the cyst) about whether or not to remove it. They didn’t in the end, and I remember saying “it’s ok I’ve got an appointment on the 12th December”. How I remembered that off the top of my head in the middle of a c-section I’ll never know, considering most days I can’t remember what I ate for breakfast.

Although it seemed to last forever, I remember feeling high as a kite (on joy not drugs) and I chatted away giddily with the anaesthetist and Robert.

Physically this part was a bit uncomfortable, and you feel a kind of tugging and pressure on your abdomen as they stitch you back up, but it wasn’t ever painful. I was also really really thirsty (hardly surprising since I last had a sip of water at 6am, and the remaining water in my body was leaking out my eyes) and my lips felt dry as a bone and cracked. They gave me a tiny plastic vial of water, which I wasn’t supposed to drink, just wet my lips with, but I squirted the whole thing in my mouth, naughty!

Eventually they said I was done and it was time to head back to the recovery room. Before leaving we managed to get our first family photograph which is one of my most favourite pictures ever. Poppy is so tiny and squidgy, and the happiness is just beaming from our faces.

I loved being free from all the tubes and things (they use these to monitor you throughout the surgery) as I could finally give my girl a proper cuddle, and I snuggled her so close as we moved through the hospital on the trolley bed. Once in the recovery room I put Poppy straight to my breast to feed and she fed beautifully. It was the most perfect moment. She was so happy and content and so was I.

We made phone calls and texts, took photos and sent them on, ate buttery toast and downed cups of water. I just remember that blissful hour so clearly, as I don’t think I’ve ever been happier in my life.

We stayed in hospital for 2 nights, but I won’t go into detail about the hospital stay as that’s pretty boring. I’m going to talk about the (lack of) breastfeeding support in another post so I’ll tell you a little bit more then.

But leaving the hospital was one of the most emotional experiences of my life. It was as if I was suddenly being set free out of this little hospital dream bubble, and finally entering the real world as a family of three. I’m not even joking, I cried the whole way home I was just so happy.

We sat on the couch that evening eating (cold) Chinese, feeling like a pair of rabbits in the headlights, but life was just perfect. I love this picture of my tiny girl, snuggled by her daddy. It’s not “picture perfect” by any means but it just brings back such strong emotions for me. The feeling that my world was now complete, and that everything we’ve gone through had brought us to this moment. I wish I could bottle that feeling because it was just indescribable, and I don’t know if anything will ever replicate it.

I have no regrets about my birth experience. Two days earlier when I had arrived at the hospital, a C section was really not what I had envisioned, so although I had opted for a section, it still felt surprising and sudden. I know that sounds really weird! However, as I said in my previous post, my anxiety would not allow me to relax until the baby was born, so I was just so so relieved to have her here safe and sound in my arms. I do still have some tiny little niggles of sadness because I will probably never have the opportunity to experience a vaginal birth, but on the whole I have no regrets about anything, not even having the induction. All those decisions led to a safe delivery of Poppy, so if I could go back in time I wouldn’t change anything.

Thanks so much for reading if you’ve made it this far! I’m going to do another post about my thoughts on c-section and recovery but if anyone has any questions, please ask away!

Welcome to the world, Poppy. You made all my dreams come true!